In a few moments, I'm heading out for this:
Are you here to fix the cable? Do you see what happens, Larry? Are you surprised at my tears, sir? What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
You have received this invitation because you roll on Shabbos. You have the necessary means for a necessary means for a higher education. Racially, you are pretty cool. Your art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. Obviously, you are not a golfer.
Help me celebrate my special lady friend's 30th birthday! Enter a world of pain on Sunday June 29, as Harvard Square's historic Brattle Theater* graciously hosts our private screening of the Coen Bros. immortal 1998 classic The Big Lebowski.** We will start the film at 11:30 AM, but get there early so you can grab a slice of cake and pour yourself a White Russian. Yeah I know it's early for some of you, but you can get your goldbricking ass there. Don't make me send the Nihilists out to cut off your Johnson!
Admission is free, but if you'd like to pitch in I'll accept your personal check for $.69, made out to [redacted]. Also, there will be Creedence tapes, and other party favors that are as yet to be determined.
*While you're there you might consider making a small donation to the Brattle Film Foundation, and help save movies. Okay. Commercial over.