Virginia Heffernan files a pointless story about actors keeping their own, not-ready-for-prime-time patronymics. Great bar conversation, maybe, but a Critics' Notebook keeper? The cinetrix is not so sure.
Dink and crud are syllables that can mar a name and invite derision. If you were a young actor burdened with a homely name and free to rechristen yourself — to go by Cary Grant, say, or Vin Diesel — wouldn't you liberate yourself from the world's playground predators and drop your name's most teasable elements?Maybe. But today that might make you a coward.
Peter Dinklage has worn Dinklage proudly, and under that name he was nominated by the Screen Actors Guild for a best-actor award for his performance in "The Station Agent." Billy Crudup, who starred in "Big Fish," has managed to make crud enthralling. And on Sunday, Shohreh Aghdashloo will take her free-verse name to the Academy Awards; she is nominated for best supporting actress for her role in "House of Sand and Fog." (She is up against Renée Zellweger of "Cold Mountain," the Texan who continues to derive star power from sounds zell and weg.)
Dinklage probably would have drawn the notice of playground predators even if his name was Cary Grant, I'm thinking. Crudup? Let's talk about a grown man calling himself "Billy." [Baby daddy.] What's a free-verse name? And don't even get me started on the "devastating L-J-K sequence" in Zeljko Ivanek...
The first person to explain what Virginia's on about will win a shiny Sacajawea coin. Or perhaps a Susan B. Anthony would be a little more a propos? [Also, does Virginia have any idea what people think are acceptable names to give children these days?]
Meanwhile, maybe the cinetrix will change her name back to kinova.
