Trust the Onion's AV Club to come through with the service journalism we really need: a guide to cinema's least erotic moments.
François Truffaut once argued that it's impossible to make an antiwar movie, because war invariably looks exciting onscreen. Would that the same could be said of all subjects. For example, movies can make sex itself look like the least erotic act imaginable, as these examples show. (Note: The hotness rating of each scene is on a scale of 1, the cinematic equivalent of a cold shower, to 5, which may contain trace elements of erotica.)
Please note, Showgirls rates a 4 because "There is something undeniably hot about sex in front of neon palm trees."
Well, yeah. If you need me, I'll be updating my queue.
