It may be time to look into the V-chip after all.
Why? Because because because because BECAUSE... Muppets' Flick to Include Tarantino.
The film, with the working title "The Muppets' Wonderful Wizard of Oz," is set to begin production in Vancouver, British Columbia, next month and air in the coming TV season on "The Wonderful World of Disney."Tarantino's role as himself is likely to be overshadowed by pop star Ashanti, starring as Dorothy, and Miss Piggy. The muppet will play three wicked witches and Glinda, Good Witch of the South.
Among other muppets, Kermit the Frog is the Scarecrow, the Great Gonzo is the Tin Man and Fozzie Bear is the Lion. Besides Ashanti, the film features actress-singer Queen Latifah playing Auntie Em.
For the record, fuck corporate synergy. Have we learned nothing, people? White boy jive and L. Frank Baum don't mix. Latifah may be a queen, but she is no Miz Ross.
Great. Now the cinetrix is overcome by terrible visions sullying some of her most cherished childhood cultural touchstones: Statler and Waldorf recreating the "Like a Virgin" scene from Reservoir Dogs ["Dick dick dick dick dick dick DICK." "How many 'dicks' is that?" "A lot." "A-hah ha hah hah!"], Gonzo with a ball gag, Sam the Eagle as Max Cherry [and Beaker playing the Chris Tucker role], and Miss Piggy and Janice kung-fu fighting.
Any chance QT'll sing, "If I was king of the f-f-f-forest?" Naaaahhh.
If you need her, the cinetrix will be clicking the heels of her red Mary Jane clogs together. If happy little bluebirds fly/ beyond the rainbow/ Why oh why can't I?
