The hardy handful of longtime pullquote readers may have noticed the cinetrix has a little hang-up, bordering on mania: John Milius's right-wing teen epic, Red Dawn. Ah, 1984. Morning in America. Good times.
See, kids, the cinetrix is one of those unambitious Gen X children of the 80s. Bet you youngsters didn't know the reason why we're such slackers was that the media pummeled us nonstop with the message that the Russkies were going to nuke us, tomorrow. I mean, Sting didn't just happen. And, well, HBO had to show something while it was cueing up Just One of the Guys or The Legend of Billie Jean.
Fair is fair!
Anyway, thanks to GreenCine, I have yet another excuse to trot out my tawdry obsession. Turns out, after Gremlins and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom scared the Kali-fearing bejeezus out of kids, Steven Spielberg and his friend, Smilin' Jack Valenti, invented the PG-13 rating
"I went to Jack Valenti, who's a friend of mine, and I said, 'Jack, why don't we do a rating called PG-13, which would suit films like "Gremlins" and "Indy 2"?"' Spielberg said. "So I called Jack, and Jack said, 'Leave it to me ...' "
Chilling ellipsis, no? You can read the whole sordid history of the PG-13 rating here, if you'd like, but this is what caught my eye:
August 10, 1984, marked the first debut of a PG-13 movie: "Red Dawn," about a Communist invasion of America and the high-school rebels who fight back.
Which is to say, "Wolverines!"
Since this week has been all about giving away potentially lucrative intellectual property, here's an idea ripe for some Second City-based theatre troupe: live Red Dawn. In W.'s Amerika, the time is ripe. Think of the pyrotecnics, acting and incendiary! Done right, it could rival the 'Nam play in Rushmore [which slays the 'Fesser and lays him out in helpless giggles everytime].
Just save me a seat on the aisle, Guffman style.
