Buy Bob Botox

And keep him in Indian food assignations with Maureen Dowd.

Which is to say, holy crow, people. Infamous control freak Robert Redford's next plastic surgery tab Sundance Film Festival is too rich for my old-skool indie wallet. And his bossy micromanaging apparently extends to ticket sales:

Please note: In order to purchase a Pass or Ticket Package, you must pre-register online at www.sundance.org (click “visit the box office”) any time between now and October 29 for a nominal fee of $5.00. After the close of pre-registration, you will receive an e-mail in early November with your purchase date and time, as well as the web address and phone number to use when purchasing your Pass or Ticket Package. Quantities are limited and pre-registration does not guarantee availability. Dates and times are randomly assigned.

2005 FESTIVAL PASS OPTIONS:

All Festival Passes include:
Credentials for admission to the Sundance House, Filmmaker Lodge, Digital Center; and daytime admission to Music Café. All A Passes include the Opening Night Reception followed by the Premiere screening. All B Passes include the Awards Night party. RSVPs are required for both events. Note: Festival Passes are neither transferable nor replaceable.

Express Pass A, January 20-25 (Limited availability)
Express Pass B, January 26-30
$2,500 each
If you want to choose your screenings once you get to the Film Festival, the Express Pass is for you. No ticket selection is required for Express Pass holders. Admission to all public screenings at all theatres and panel discussions within Pass dates is included.

Eccles Theatre Pass A, January 20-25
Eccles Theatre Pass B, January 26-30
$1,500 each
Every dramatic feature in the Independent Feature Film Competition and every Premiere screens at least once in the Eccles Theatre. The Eccles Theatre Priority Pass provides admission to all screenings at the Eccles Theatre within Pass dates. No ticket selection is necessary.

Adrenaline Pass, January 21-30
$350
The Adrenaline Pass is designed to allow admittance to all public screenings 10:00 a.m. or earlier and 10:00 p.m. or later. Every American dramatic feature in the Independent Feature Film Competition screens at least once during these hours, and the Festival schedule allows the Adrenaline Pass holder the possibility of attending one film each morning and two films each evening. No ticket selection is required. Includes the Awards Night party (RSVP required).

Awards Weekend Pass, January 29-30
$200
This Pass is designed for patrons who want to spend the last weekend of the Film Festival viewing the 2005 Award winners. It includes admission to all public screenings on Saturday, January 29, and Sunday, January 30. The 2005 Award-winning films are screened on the night of Saturday, January 29 and Sunday, January 30. Includes the Award Night party (RSVP required).

2005 TICKET PACKAGE OPTIONS:

All Ticket Packages include:
Credentials for admission to Sundance House, Filmmaker Lodge, the Digital Center, and daytime admission to Music Café.

Ticket Package A, January 20-25
Ticket Package B, January 26-30
$650 each
Ticket Packages A and B allow each Package holder to select 20 Regular screenings, Premieres, and or panel discussions with a limit of 4 tickets per event. Ticket Package A includes the option of Opening Night Reception; Ticket Package B includes the Awards Night party (RSVPs required for both events). Package holders make ticket selections based on availability in early January before the Film Festival begins. Instructions for ticket selection will be sent with Ticket Package information and confirmation.

All cancellation requests must be received in writing and confirmed with the Registration Office by December 10, 2004. A 20% handling fee applies to all cancelled orders.

Handling and Convenience Fees
$20.00 per pass/package
$5.00 additional fee for all phone orders.
All handling and convenience fees are nonrefundable.

"Package holder," indeed. After a swift kick, what else can you do? Although, taken in context, I guess five bucks is nominal.

Still, isn't it heartwarming to see that even the cheapest admission to America's leading independent film festival--without factoring in airfare, accomodation, or meals--costs three times what it took to make Tarnation?