The Fesser had never watched an animated Disney movie before last week. I know--freak. The child of academics, he was nurtured on showings of Peppermint Soda and Lina Wertmuller flicks while the cinetrix, stuck in the suburbs, lingered longingly over the movie listings.
So what ruined his streak? Pocahontas, but for all the right reasons.
Let me explain. It's set just before the period he works on, more or less, and it demonstrates how history becomes myth, gets bowdlerized, etc. Needless to say, I had to ride shotgun on such a momentous occasion, and I thought I'd should share some of the highlights with you.
Naturally, we both admired the princess's waxing and waning rack. But then she set off in her canoe to consult some tree oracle and launched into "Just Around the Riverbend." Those of you with children probably don't need a reminder of the first line of this timeless Menken confection, but for the rest of us, Pocahontas begins by observing that you can't step in the same river twice.
"She's read Heraclitus?" the Fesser marveled.
He did grudgingly admit to being won over by the montage sequence when Governor Ratcliffe directed the settlers as they plowed, cultivated, and harvested the riches of the new world, muttering something that sounded like "resource extraction" with approval.
But then they had to go and fly the Union Jack, which--who knew?--was not the flag they would have sailed under back then. And that's when they lost the Fesser for good.
All I can say is Terry Malick better watch his ass.... And speaking of ass, my hands-down favorite porno name from my time in the video store trenches is still Pocahotass.
