The cinetrix must've been missing the late, lamented two-buck theatre we once had in town. The Astro was what leveled the playing field: for $2 I'd see pretty much anything. House of Flying Daggers? Sure! Blades of Glory? Bring it! It also backward-engineered the category of the Astro movie, the sort of new release you had exactly $2 worth of curiosity about.
Such a movie is Date Night, which in a moment of weakness I allowed to rise to the top of the queue recently. Perhaps the funniest thing about that flick is the run time listed in the snap above.* Yeah, right. Meanwhile, imdb.com says 88 minutes. My experience was an anything but crisp 75-minute groaner with perhaps the world's slowest and most detailed end credit crawl bumping it up to 88. Maybe.
Don't worry. I haven't any intention of "reviewing" it. You are all busy people with all sorts of choices as to where and for how long you opt to dick around in my wee corner of the Internet. I'm not gonna waste your time. Hell, I don't even remember most of the fucking thing. The brain is miraculously self-healing, as we've all been reminded lately.
What I am gonna do is point out that Date Night is the unlikely connective tissue binding all sorts of folks who also appeared in or may themselves be likely 2011 Oscar nominees. Really. Who would joke about that? The big-time announcement doesn't happen until tomorrow morning, but here are some names that have crossed prognosticating wags' lips plenty this "awards season":
- 127 HOURS: James "Polymath" Franco, who made time in his busy schedule reenacting Three's Company with Kalup Fuckin' Linzy to play "Taste," the male half of the real couple going by "the Tripplehorns" [whose restaurant reservation -- you know, fuck that].
- BLACK SWAN: Unlikely to land a nomination herself for what will be Natalie's Big Night, Mila "Lily" Kunis here plays a stripper and Franco's better half, "Whippit."
- THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: Oh, hi, Mark Ruffalo. The Internets tell me your character is named Brad Sullivan. I think you play a police officer? A detective? Were you secretly corrupt? Not with those puppy-dog eyes, I'm guessing. Oh, that's right. The blink-and-you-miss-him friend being divorced by Kristen Wiig. Because that makes sense.
- THE FIGHTER: Again, an adjacent-to-likely-nominees role, but still. Say hi to yoah muthah for me, Marky Mark Wahlberg. Or should I call you improbably named shirtless security expert Holbrooke Grant?
- COUNTRY STRONG: Might get a Best Original Song nod, Leighton Meister the extortionist babysitter, but Strong won't land Gwynnie that acting nom she set all phasers to twang to get.
Terrifying, right? You're welcome.
*There was no "extended version" on the disc, either. Which, small favors, etc.
